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Grin Away

(Just Like Curiosity)

8/4/16 06:25 pm - Fictional Settings: Faith And Supplementing The Ability To See

___"You think there's a reason I can tell you for everything that happens. Who am I to you, God? As far as I remember, even God doesn't tell the reasons for everything that happens. People do say he knows them, but... haven't you noticed? The more involved Christians love to comment that they're beyond us and we need to simply trust that he understands. So... even if I actually knew the reasons, let's get back to this: do you think I could tell them to you?
___You're always so busy trying to understand the way things are, then looking at what was there as they came to be, as you say, that way. You draw a correlation, you decide it's fact, you trace the patterns with history. I'd say it's practical, but here you are... defending it with insecurity and doubt trembling in your tone of voice. You point at the reasons things happen as being separate from what you've discovered... I do, sincerely (and I mean most sincerely) agree with this disambiguation of 'terms', as you could label them, this placed meaning on approaching why things happened the way they did being separate from knowing the correlation that suggests at a schematic-like cause and effect for them. Perhaps, well... in my eyes honestly, this differentiation is proving a very valid point.
___If there is a reason I can tell you, and let me tell you, they lynched that man for a very good reason, you won't like it enough to listen to it. You'll retaliate, just like you're retaliating emotionally against me telling you how you'll work in that situation; don't worry, I can see it in your face tensing up and your eyes turning out like they're about to shed tears or spew fire. You'll retaliate, like you retaliate when you tell me that causal relationship of circumstances and actions; I'd like to think that deep down inside you're speaking with underlying hostility because you're afraid that answer just isn't good enough. Yet if it comes down to it, I still can't actually tell you the reason, regardless of my understanding that you'd never hear it out.
___Let's say I told you anyways, disregarding the flaw to this concept, which I will mention in time. When you hear it, that's the problem. It will be so many things going on you won't see it as a reason anymore. To persuade you in honesty, you won't see anything to do with reason in it anymore. But let's look at how a cat runs, and consider that the way cells are ordered out by genetically-rooted commandments, if you will, is so necessary in the cat running. Take a play at remembering every molecule in its body is partaking in its motion, and all of those particles in there have a display of properties so well-intertwined in a way that builds up together to an astoundingly real result. It's all, well, would you say that looking at all of that, which tells the reason the cat can run, is something our average companion on this planet would like to hear when they beg to know... "Why can this cat run?"
___So perhaps there's a reason, I judge the word reason in a way where having it so is left the common and applied way to see in this universe. But if you're going to expect me to recognize an atom's bend to pull those encircling electrons to work as it plays into a visibly-scaled operation for why the cat can run, you're poorly mistaken about what can faithfully be said. The theory and the ploy to scientific inquiry may make it describable, if we can get far enough to denoting all the why's that breed out our questioned product, but if I were watching the parts that made it so actually interact and could interpret their behaviors from an engineering-grade level of comprehension, spelling it out for you is playing with letting go of the fact that I just saw it. Those words will never pay you the view I have. So, I'm sorry. If you want to know the reason behind the things that are happening, you'll have to do something other than ask."

-The Dealer

8/2/16 12:47 am - Future Presences Pass - footnote on continuing status

It's hard to turn to people for support
When all you can expect is how you should give up
But being someone who's decided to be no fool
You can't lie to yourself that you need to keep fighting
And you're alone in this place
And all of it is telling you lies about what you should have been
And there's nothing left to recognize when you look in the mirror.

This isn't your face
These aren't your eyes
I think your shape would look different
Why don't you despise (yourself)?

But you're no fool
You hate instead what's made you this way
Knowing it still breathes down your neck

All you want is someone to keep you strong enough
Your arms are losing tissue fast, but your mind still works
And you push to know the options that give you another breath
But no one knows you're hurting inside while you clean their walls
And the blood stains are old, because violence is a lie
Yet here you stand on the verge of losing all reason
While you cling to yet another dream that feelings aren't dead yet

People pass you by with flirtatious smiles
Your server's eyes linger on you too long to be common courtesy
Your ribs breach through and your face is thin
While your muscle tissue says it's got no power to run
And your nervous system's a hailstorm of shots in the wrong voltage
Everyone thinks you're an invitation
And all you want is those words by your side

You haven't picked them out, you don't care what they say
There's a message you need, and it has to mean something
Because no one understands what you mean when you tell them your story
They haven't stared into nothing and known cold wasn't an original design
They've not been deaf and known sounds weren't what you're supposed to hear
Everything is something else
Matter carries memories
People, well, people didn't even notice what transpired in the moment
Everything is there around you
Telling you what to need, how to need it
And that glass of fluid you drew schematics for by alchemical composition
Remind you your curative agent needs a process no one proved to work
Who practices today,
what can't even die tomorrow,
without having been born before yesterday

So you lose everything again
And hold on to never letting go
Theorize your way to building in place
What makes sure your broken body is still yours to move
While no one
Absolutely no one will know to be there

No grasp of reality
While holding reality in your hand

Tell me
Does this look like being insane?

8/1/16 01:50 pm - Sometimes I Wonder How Much This Is Going To Cost Me

"You can pay attention to the way people think, certainly.
But if you chalk too much up to liberty, darling,
you'll find the credit due is landing on the wrong tile.
You move your piece into position accordingly,
and never notice the enemy walking right around you,
as though you were never really there.
What I'm really telling you is, honestly, quite simple.
You don't line up your shot
by aiming for the wrong target."

I hear so many things, there are so many perspectives out there. A swelling of notions from dying minds can usurp their decay with a boasting of notions that something valuable lies just out of reach, yet only a walk away. Do you believe me? Do I care? The process that's available can't always be learned about, created, known. The thing that matters is that what's taken is taken for granted, just that dosage, to notice what it's actually good for. It's easy to be blinded by the high of attraction, but how do you then see his hitting you is teaching you that you never meant a thing? If you were so inclined to believe it, perhaps there's something predating him that you could have learned from; something that could have taught you to see. You can blame him for hurting you, but what do you blame for being so vulnerable to the pain.
When something is natural, it is constantly left inclined to lead towards the assumption that it is unavoidable. A tree is natural, yet they're dying out all the time. Species are being lost, flora are leaving into eradicated absences from the face of the planet they'd conquered and trained. It's so safe to enjoy the benefits of what you thought you already had, and to venture out to the things that supplement it with anomalous inclination may be a proving grounds for fear and animosity writhing out of your poor unaccepting heart. But why so overwhelmed, sweetheart? Who put the pieces in order for you to be scared, when you grew up watching tales of outcast heroine breaching the unforeseeable to brave the mutilated malformations you'd not even felt your nightmares were matching up to? One key opens a lock, somewhere; if no such lock exists, you can always form one to key rather than throw it away. In a landscape of dreams, couldn't you imagine that driving itself into the opportunity to open a door that takes you one step closer in the story of your resting thoughts?
I'd lake to take a moment to say how much I want to see humanity do well for who it is. That it's become so prosperous in the face of adversity is admirable. That it's slowly killing itself by way of conditioning and stupidity is a matter of accomplishment, if you watch the headlines right. Everyone knows there's a starving child in Africa, while his father before him had a good life of laughing amidst the relative wilderness and living in the wisdom of culture shaped to the land; but some things are best left forgotten, in favor of the idea that control can change your mind. Not to claim at universals, of course; merely to note there was once a story so told.
I can kiss a girl softly and pull back shortly, I can pull her head back by her long black hair and grip her wrist as I dig my thumb into its sensitive median while baring down on her mouth like its my fucking property. It's a spell to fall for dominance, and a trap to take over someone's soul; but if I force that girl to love me the picture shapes to something else, and the entire future spread from the inch spent on that moment is something else regardless of the brevity of its grasp. Scenario A gives into the freedom of uncertainty, scenario B creates certainty that it's all freedom; in some typical measure of the effect. The positioning of the notable patterns on human behavior and following reactions from the effective treatments is something contradicting to expectations modernly spread. Contradictions are becoming some of the most reliable realities around. Can you pretend that's true for long enough that you shape your eyes into recognizing the continuity that makes it seem so honest?

7/27/16 06:44 pm - Hatred Outcasting Hope

Brief; so you know if you want to bother with this crap: I've touched on a similar sentiment to that of this topic in a previous entry. Lately I've been trying to get a better view of the overall picture to ease my sorrows, but... as I've been studying feminism in its practices more recently... I've been reading, watching and listening to feminist articles, speeches, media presentations and debates offered within recent years (most of it seemingly fresher than a year in age) to get some exposure to what it's like today, as opposed to when I was taught about it (or the length of history prior to then).

Growing up I thought it was a great idea. We have a lot to solve with the history we're built on, pushing for solutions is great. All of those ages of cruelty and oppression need to be 'evolved' out of and taking to solving those issues is brilliant. Egalitarian ideals will always have my love, and I thought feminism was fighting for that with a specific focus on the specific topic of females needing that fair due for a place in the world. Brilliant, make certain those details that held women back get let go of through active effort, instead of leaving things to a game of chance. I mean, coming from what it was like in the 1800's, there's been steady progress against oppression, right? And when did feminism start? So, I mean, I'm not delusional to think that when one of my most eloquently educated teachers taught me about the increase in women getting to work jobs and garner for fairer footing, including previously-condoned-for-men-only jobs, as history progressed... we were getting on a track that lead to freedom from sex-based standards, right? The most memorable points in changes for me were when the world wars drew so many men abroad that women ended up effectively running the workforce on the home front, it made a permanent over-all shift even after the men returned and their jobs restored to them, the standard had grown and progress was being made. So the progress feminism called for seemed beautifully real and I thought it was a brilliant movement when I learned about it. We've got a rights movement making reliable and steady changes as a powerfully effective equalizing force. History classes teach about events like these and they get better achieved so that our country looks like it's got a bright future. I thought recognition of people's worth and right to prosperity would embody itself as undeniably universal throughout this country's every sector, if ideals like that kept strong. What if we really reach an, essentially, morally enlightened state that leaves people free from the realm of oppression? What if the progress of rising rights movements were to keep us led ever closer to that?
It's normal for me to try to hear the validity of individuals' works, it's habitual and sometimes it's painfully deluding on account of the mental acrobatics I have to perform to make someone appear reasonable. I had trouble finding recent examples of active feminist representatives in any effective position of display who weren't seething in hatred or somehow actively resurrecting discrimination as being what's appropriate in our society. I had hoped oppression would stay behind us, as opposed to rising up to pave the way for where we're headed; I was rooting for equality. Don't get me wrong, I've seen this in other communities I believed in. People are favoring playing the role of their egotistical self-importance out as justification to destroy the messages and meanings I used to admire and fantasize about helping move us forward, about watching the world become a better place at a pace where the human race's active moral progress could match its progress in quality of media and marketed technological devices. But, no. The things about human nature that I can only respect for their power to compel destruction seem to be winning out over the ideals I love, within the movements I thought I was supportive of. Why?
Perhaps there are forces committing sabotage against these movements and feeding lies, liars, bigots and bigotry into every equality movement that offed a potentially free-minded society. Perhaps these value-based progressive movements were intentionally altered to attract people who would destroy them. Perhaps the natural course of human tendencies and the result of current-day upbringings is a more likely source of credit. Perhaps the take-over I'm perceiving could also be accredited to some sort of assumption that I was overly lucky when I was younger and by some measure of fortune had chanced to meet only the admirable messengers of these movements while all of the hideous, cruel, degrading and oppressive ones were elsewhere. That humans are being filthy and it's difficult finding any surviving sense of good influence is not much of a perhaps. It's rather certain. Honestly, I'm pretty convinced that this is the popularity of 'being a good person' and 'making the world a better place' has spread to linger in a country of children who never learned what either of those mean is what's really destroying these movements. I know firsthand how shallow my generation turned out, I haven't been blind to how much worse they got after their hormonal changes weren't an excuse for thinking about it anymore; their values, addictions... the things we learned and the things we didn't learn... they compose a recipe for trying to be things that make you better than everyone else, and they don't impose any actual tendency to realize thinking about things in depth. There are so many values and issues that come out of the 'superiority' calling. I'm also suspicious that the environments and techniques that raised/are raising children are suffocating important forms of thought. Regardless of things I'm not explaining clearly, or am merely referencing here, what I thought was momentum forward is now spewing hatred. I don't really consider that progress.
So, just for excess address, the following does apply all over the place. I'm hoping that things will assuage themselves in their writhing in pits of hatred and impulsive ineptitude for allowing others to carry an opinion or perspective that isn't a perfect replica or absolute submission to their exact identification of reality. I mean, I'm pretty sure motion to wipe discrimination in its strict, binary applications by sex has actually been incredibly successful out of feminism. Changes are continuously happening, America has been learning equality and freedom to increasing extents over time. Once upheld oppressive realities and institutions that upheld cruelly discriminating control date far back. There was a very narrow view of who was the natural choice for positions of power, authority or superiority when America was founded and today's views are dramatically liberal in comparison. How quickly can you expect the transformation in this system to change, adapt, and level out? When you start fixing the blatant issues you will still find glitches and erroneous malfunctions occurring, mistakes may also be made. Repairing things is hard work and I'm currently seeing more women in the role of physician and more men in the role of nurse than I had ever seen in my childhood, not very long ago. Things are mixing into something where expectations on account of sex are diminishing amidst controlled institutions, especially ones not controlled by the whims of a mob. The feminism I believed in seems to be working. The feminists I'm finding speaking out? I've not heard them giving progress any credit in any of the modern presentations I've found; not since some presentations before I was an adult. I don't hear recognition that adaptation is something that occurs over time, when 1 precedes 2, counting up requires having 1 come first. I mean, you can try to break the system, and I have heard a lot of comments where they said that was what needed to be done quite directly, but the system's still transforming. I don't know if the good that was done is going to survive in the face of how they're starting to, now as a majority, act. I'm afraid it's going to be a case where things start to look up, then we get reminded that evolution doesn't always result in progress in a species.
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